This past week has been difficult for me. It's Spring Break. Kids like me are suppose to have the time of their lives but all I can do is think. You'd assume thinking is good, but not in my case. I get wrapped up in my thoughts and hopes, it become really obsessive and suffocating.
My friend hopped on a plane 4 days before Spring Break even began. I did miss her. During the time she was gone I got close to this guy. It's honestly not like me to get close to people so quickly, but I thought that someone was actually interested in me. It sure felt like he was. He would flirt with me, cuddle and just do things a regular friend wouldn't, and as much as I hate to admit it; I began to develop feeling for this kid. He actually made me feel good. You know, beautiful. It was good. I had my week of happiness. The day my friend came back, all of my friends hung out. Including this boy. My two friends and I met up at my friends house just to see each other and talk for a bit before heading out to meet up with everyone else. She was texting a lot, and I knew who it was bound to be; the boy I tried so hard to try to get to know during the past weekend. Turns out that before she left they both told each other they had feelings for each other. I was completely oblivious to that fact. I couldn't just tell her that I like him. After all, he liked her, not me. I may have well just been some "fun" when his real girl wasn't in the country. I tried really, really hard to not show my sadness, disappointment and frustration as she showed me texts where he was being "just too cute to describe!" I tried to be happy, to put on a smiling front. I know it worked. I know she has no clue how I'm feeling right now. She has no clue how it feels to be the ugliest friend, the girl who's only ever friends with guys and nothing more, the girl who is never chased, the girl who has to try so hard, the girl who never feels enough; never smart enough, pretty enough, good enough.
I'm glad she's happy I really am. I'm just finding it hard to fathom, that she not only has this boy wrapped around her finger; she also has my best friend in the palm of her hand.
So now, I'm sitting here alone at home, on the last day of my Spring Break and I'm writing a blog about it. Because I know that I can't tell anyone how I feel. I don't know who else to turn to. I really have no one. I don't trust my so called "friends" and I just don't feel like I'm wanted nor needed by anyone.

I just feel alone.